Suicide and Coffee
My friend tells me that each morning
she awakens with suicide and coffee
on her mind, and then she has a smoke
I want to tell her how my mind
entirely bypasses the coffee
how suicide is the first thought
second thought, all day and night thought
I want to tell her that if I must stay
a simple razor blade will do
crisscrossing over old scars, gashes
just deep enough to bleed out the pain
or awaken the senses and escape numbness
How I want to see my blood trickling
down, down, down
my thighs or arms like red rivers
creating their own pathway
through my white valleys of flesh
But instead, I sit silently, coffee in hand
swallowing her pain as I stifle my own.
©2011 Lori Carlson. All Rights Reserved.
A Whispered Wind 
Hello, just stumbled upon this touching and truly relatable poem. Well done!
Seriously gorgeous work. I love darker poetry and I can definitely relate to this one on a personal level. I love your voice. I think that’s part of what made the poem so striking. And reading up on some of the other comments talking about Ms. Plath, I must say she is my all-time poet and I don’t think anyone could read her work without taking a small snippet of her flair back into their own poetry.
https://confessionalistbooth.wordpress.com/
Thank you so much, Mary. Yes, Sylvia Plath has had an influence on my work, but all of the Confessional poets have. I mostly studied them in college and their flair has filtered into my own work. Thanks again for stopping by. I will check out your blog as well 🙂
You’re very welcome. As you could probably see on my blog, the Confessional movement of poetry his hands down my favorite one. I love the edge and the wryness and honesty of that group of wordsmiths. And thank you so much for checking out my blog and following and reblogging “Confessionalist.” I really appreciate it.
Oh yes, I can definitely see their influence in your work. And you are most welcome 🙂 I hope it brings you some readers and comments 🙂
I’m so sorry you lived in this world of distress. I am in it. It is very hard. Beautifully written and expressed.
Thank you… I am sorry to hear you are living in that world now. If you ever need someone to talk to about it, email me at ravynehawke(at)gmail(dot)com
Thank you.
This is so powerful & a lesson to all of us that we don’t always know what’s going on in other people’s lives. Keep writing & thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much for your kind comments 🙂
Hi Sunshine haven’t heard from you in ages so I am getting worried – please email me if you feel like talking? Otherwise hide under that doona and take care, you are precious …
This is painful, but beautifully written. This is the type of poem that can definitely be felt.
Thank you so much, LeTara 🙂 I appreciate the feedback 🙂
So vivid. Hope you dont steep too long
Thank you 🙂
This is amazing. 🙂
Thank you 🙂
..deep
Thank you 🙂
Wow… deeply moving. I can relate to this so much.
Thank you, Laura 🙂
Drink coffee with the part of your pain you swallow like taking a tablet 😦
So true what shared in this poem 🙂
Wonderful. How you have draped a very powerful message and emotional turmoil in poetic simplicity. I once wrote a poem about a man contemplating suicide….it’s on my blog….the poem is ‘Sign Out’ ….would be glad to have your opinion on it. Being a doctor, I see quite a few suicides in our medical colleges in India. Again, a remarkable poem….thanks for the same…
Well, that was fun
yeah, kinda like chopping off your head with a guillotine would be fun. I’m getting my popcorn ready.
Evocative, real and powerful – glad you have worked through the worst of this!
Beautiful!
Thank you, hun 🙂
From a fellow coffee addict-the smell off the top in the first 20 minutes of the morning! Thanks for the poem-another translucent raindrop! We are not allowed to hurt ourselves even from pain…We live for others, like your coffee friend. For just ourselves it may be 50/50, or all the same…But Who would open the cat food can? Like Bob Cratchet and tiny Tim, who would be there if Ebineezer’d not have been? An eternity gone before, and so a long time to come, this brief between, we have to endure, for others if not us, at the price, if possible, of pain.
“For God made man in his image” is the reason we should not even hurt, let alone off ourselves, if at all possible. And it is good too not only for itself, but what comes out of it, as, Oh, the colors of the garden in the morning sunlight’s rain, honey for coffee from our friends, and the folks and words again…
Peace/Love
MM
Thank you, MM for this lovely reminder and your beautiful words 🙂
“But instead, I sit silently, coffee in hand
swallowing her pain as I stifle my own.”
You know that sentence covers a whole lot of other pain, too. It makes me sad.
Thanks, Calen.. sorry it made you sad
Lori, don’t EVER be sad your poetry evokes such emotions in your readers. That’s your JOB as a poet. And you do it well.
Thanks, Calen 🙂 I guess I just don’t like making others sad with my words 🙂 Thank you for the reminder!
But remember that the emotions you evoke for someone may be the only way they can cry. Speaking from experience here.
Oh! I never thought of it that way. Thank you, Calen!
Lori, I am sorry I cannot like this. Your post definitely tugged at my heart. I’m so sorry a feeling like this is an every morning thing with coffee. 😦 keep drinking the coffee! I wish so much this was fiction, but when I read it, I feel the emotion it was meant to evoke. You write very well. Don’t forget that. Jack wouldn’t want you to give up, and neither do your readers! 😊 Sending positive thoughts your way!! Are you working on another story with Jack?…this brunette is just a tiny bit interested, nothing major! 😉 LOL! Hope that made you laugh and have a great day! 😀
Thanks hun… this is an older poem, back when I was still struggling with my mental illness… thankfully, I am no longer suicidal. I still have my dark moments, but not even cutting holds interest for me anymore.
Funny you should mention Jack.. yes, I will be working on a new story with him and the gang next month. I gave a hint of what’s to come in this piece of a story: https://promptlywritten.wordpress.com/2016/05/14/raised-stakes-flash-fiction/
I hope you will stay tuned. The story will take place here on A Whispered Wind throughout June 🙂
And thank you! It did make me laugh and smile.. have a wonderful week ahead!
You are very welcome, Lori! I am so glad to learn this was from a while ago! I’m sorry you went through such a rough time. I am happy to know you are better now! 😀 this is wonderful news about Jack! 😊 So excited for June! I’ll tune in every week, for sure! Thank you for the link in your comment! I read it and it has me in suspense! Loved it!! 😀 it sort of reminds me of the opening scenes of Shutter Island. Jack will save Dani …if need be. He is the heroine! 😊 beautiful women don’t cause any trouble! 😉 looking forward to the next part of this lovely series, Lori!! 😀
Thanks hun.. and I am so happy to hear you are excited about more of Jack’s story… I am excited to be writing about him again 😀
You are very welcome, Lori! So happy you are continuing his story! Counting down the days!! 😊
Both scary and sad.
Indeed.. Thanks Barb
This one got to me. So well written and with such emotion. Keep drinking the coffee.
Thanks, John.. only coffee for me these days 😀
I knew that but had to say it anyway. 🙂
Thanks, John! 😀
🙂
I hear Sylvia Plath in those words. Stick to the coffee and the company of good friends.
Thanks, Sandra.. she definitely has an influence on my work 🙂
Coffee is definitely medicine, Lori. *hugs*
Thanks, Joey 🙂 *hugs*